Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Eternal Glimpses

As a young bride, I said  "Yes"  to eternity with Jared Rust.  Eternity was fine, but at that point in time, I couldn't even begin to fathom being married for thirty-one years.  And here it is, thirty-one years later, wondering where on earth did those thirty-one years go to.

Last night, while saying my prayers, I was discussing my marriage with the Lord; thanking him for Jared, asking him for help, and as I did these things, something very unusual took place.  While still on my knees, I had some very specific memories come into my mind.  Upon finishing my prayer, I quickly took note of  those experiences and wrote them down. As I contemplated such sweet moments that Jared and I had shared in together, I was filled with love and gratitude for him, for my Heavenly Father and Savior, and for the opportunity  to "remember". Remembering is the Lord's way of helping us to renew and recommit to sacred covenants we have made. This experience has done just that for me and  I happily share some of those cherished memories with you.

  •  I remember the trust I placed in a twenty-two year-old Jared, who one day, when he was very frustrated with me, stated:  "No one will ever love you more than I do."  As an immature, unsure, twenty-one year old girl I remember feeling scared  as much as flattered by those words, but totally trusting what he said.   I always counted on his promise to be a source of comfort to me, to help us get through petty arguments and even overcome difficult trials that we would  face together. And they have.
  • One day when our family consisted of just two little boys, Jared came in the house and told me that we needed to get to the temple that evening.  Our temple was St. George (Vegas temple was not yet built), and I responded by telling him that we literally had no money for gas to make that trip.  I will never forget what he said:  "That is one of the reasons why we need to get to the temple".  I was so grateful for his display of faith, obedience, and guidance.  I remember feeling so safe, and so grateful to have a husband who acted in faith for our little family.
  • When I was 7 months pregnant with Travis, Jared and I attended a concert with Kenny Loggins.  I was feeling so huge, less than attractive, and just plain exhausted.  But I really was excited to go and managed to even sew me a cute, new maternity outfit for our big date.  I am not sure just when this occurred, but I do know it happened because I replayed the experience over and over in my mind.  Jared expressed to me that although there were lots of girls and women at that concert that night, no one there  was as beautiful as I was.  I remember Jared looking me right in the eyes while he said that, and I truly believed every word he said.  I knew I wasn't the most beautiful girl there, but to Jared, I was.   I was his most beautiful girl and that is all I wanted to be. 
  • While living in the Meadows ward in LasVegas, I was called to serve as  stake camp director.  As excited as I was for that calling, it was also a very discouraging situation as I was working with others who weren't quite as enthusiastic as I was with what I hoped to accomplish. In fact, it had been an emotionally exhaustive 4-5 months of preparation prior to even being on the mountain.  Girls camp came, I went, and I returned home after the completion of the camp.  I walked into our home and the first thing Jared said to me was:  "How did it go?"  in a more upbeat voice than he usually had.  I told him it had been great, and it had.  (The previous problems had  been worked out and did not even enter into my mind.)   Jared then said:  "Well I have prayed for you every day so that it would be a good experience for you."  I realized at that moment  that he had actually suffered right along with me as I had shared with him my frustrations.  Again, feelings of safety overcame me and I was so grateful to have a husband who would  ask Heavenly Father to simply make girls camp a good experience for me. 
  • One day, while living up on airport road with 6 children, Jared was frustrated with something I had done.  I recall perfectly what I did, and to be honest, Jared had every right to be bothered and upset. And this turned into a source of contention.  I am not sure just what was said, but I left to go out into the laundry room.  I stayed there for sometime, thinking, crying and doing the laundry. I don't recall seeing Jared walk into the room, but I do recall feeling his arms embrace me from the back and it startled me somewhat.  I was embarrassed, ashamed, guilty, and so not prepared to feel his loving embrace.  I didn't move.  I didn't say a word.  I just stood there and listened to these amazing, profound words:  "Lorri, I am so sorry.  Can you please forgive me?"   I have no idea what my response was.  I might have nodded my head, or mouthed a very quiet yes.  I was so focused on the warmth of loving arms around me and the love that accompanied a heartfelt apology.  I had never, ever experienced that before.  It was encompassing, eternal, and so needed.  He wasn't the one who needed to ask, but he was the one who did.  And I was the one who felt safe and secure in his arms and in his words.  
  • The last experience I share is a little embarrassing for me, because it seems so self serving, but I hope you understand why I share it.  I was called to be the Stake Primary president of the Logandale Stake.  It was a calling I truly loved and worked hard to do what the spirit would have me do.    One thing I knew for sure, Jared was proud of me and was my greatest supporter, especially with this particular calling.  One day, again, I am not sure of the details surrounding the conversation, Jared, just out of the blue, said to me: " I wish I could find work in Salt Lake so that we could move up there and you could be called to be in the general primary."   I didn't aspire to that, had never talked to Jared about that, but that he would voice such a thing made my heart skip a beat and endeared him to me all over again.. He championed me.  I still walk on the clouds as I  recall that conversation. Not because it is something that would ever happen, but because it is something that Jared thinks could happen!

I love and cherish each one of these memories and so many more.  I am not sure why the Lord brought these to my mind, but he did. Remembering is important!  I love you Jared.  Happy Anniversary.

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