As I was cleaning from behind the couch today, I came across a writing tablet with the words "My Righteous Desires and How to obtain Them" written on the front cover. This was not a long lost booklet; I had just written in it less than a month ago. But it took on new meaning today. I share with you a little of my heart.
Last April conference, Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave an address titled "Desire". I have since read, reread, studied and pondered that talk. The principles Elder Oaks taught intrigued me. After personal introspection, I began the process of searching and defining the righteous desires of my heart.
Prayer has become a very significant part of my search. I dissected my patriarchal blessing and went to the temple to seek confirmation of what I felt were revelatory promptings. I dug deep into my scripture study to find direction and understanding. It has been a process that has painfully humbled me more than I ever thought possible and yet elevated me to spiritual heights I have never felt before. I have felt a little like Alma the Younger: "...racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my...sins" but then "...what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold...".
This is probably a little disconcerting to read about your mother.....I share it with you because it has had so profound effect on me and who I want to become. I am not sure why it took a talk on "Desire" to stir up feelings that have led to faith-based actions but I am so grateful for what has taken place.
Back to my writing booklet..............I opened it up and read what I had penned as the desires of my heart. I read the steps that I had written to help me achieve these righteous desires. A lump formed in my throat and tears welled up on my eyes as I realized that the Lord was helping me achieve success....one small step at a time. I tend to let discouragement be a deterrent in my life. In fact, my patriarchal blessing is very specific in warning me about how discouragement is a tool of the adversary. I needed to read what was written in that booklet today!! I took heart and feel a renewed courage to continue in my desire to become the person I am supposed to be.