Shall The Youth Of Zion Falter......An Amazing Day At The Temple.

Today mom and I went to the Las Vegas Temple to participate in an endowment session.  As we were walking down the corridor to the ordinance room, we passed  young men donned in white suits and name tags.  Sure enough, when we entered our room, standing in the front of the room was an 18 year old boy.  He was calm, assured, and thoughtful as he officiated.  It was nice and  I really enjoyed the session.  I asked a temple worker later what was up with the young ordinance workers.  She said that they encourage sisters and elders who have received their calls and are in the process of waiting to report for their missions to  be set apart as official temple workers.  She mentioned that they learn so fast and are filled with such a powerful spirit and are a big asset to the temple.  Amen to that!

Thinking that my temple experience couldn't get any better, I walked into that beautiful Celestial room. Lining the walls and occupying every seat in that massive,amazing room, were missionaries!!  Lots and lots and lots of elders and sisters who had just participated in a special session.  It was breath-taking to say the least.  They were so beautiful and inspiring. Ahhhh........it is still touching to recall that scene.    Grandma Skousen whispered to me:  "I think this is a lot like what was welcoming Grandpa when he passed away."    I think it probably was too.  Such a glorious sight!!

Truly an amazing day at the temple.

"I rejoice therefore that I have confidence in you in all things." 2 Cor. 7:16

Holly is 18 today.  She is officially an adult by the world's standards.  By my standards, she has been an adult in very many ways for quite some time now.  Just a couple of days ago she asked me:  "Why is it that I can relate to adults so easily?"  (Or something along those lines.)   Holly has several adults that she includes as her close friends, and these adults reciprocate that friendship. It is fun to see her interact with them.  She is at ease, and always herself.  It is so apparent that she is respected and valued.  And she should be.  I think it is fair to say that confidence has played a very important part in these friendships.  Holly is very comfortable with herself and she likes who she is and others value that in her.

We recently went to lunch in which a cute, male waiter overheard that we were celebrating Holly's 18th birthday.  He made a comment to her alluding to the fact that they (employees) might have to embarrass her by singing Happy Birthday.  Holly cutely responded with a coy smile:  "Oh, I don't get embarrassed very easily".  She was flirty (appropriately so) and engaging as she held her own in that conversation.   It is so much fun watching her, knowing she  has control of situations and is so darn cute!

That confidence is not just manifest in her relationships, but also in her testimony.  She is confident in what she believes.  She questions, seeks answers, and applies what she learns.  This gift has put her in a position to be a leader among her peers and her adult friends.   She is very fine with stating: "NO"  if something is inappropriate or just doesn't feel right to her.

Confidence is an amazing gift to acquire; it is even a more amazing gift to keep.  The world has a way of chipping away at our confidence.  I don't see that happening with Holly.  This was a gift that accompanied her to earth and she has continued to strengthen it. As a little six year old child, she kindly questioned her friend why she wasn't a Mormon.  As an eleven year old, she once instructed me about modesty in swimsuits.  (I was buying a very modest swimsuit with a zipper in front.  Holly said that I shouldn't buy it because what if the zipper accidentally unzipped!  I didn't buy it.) I have seen her  push aside negative thoughts and feelings and change situations that would have otherwise made her feel less about herself.  She has made conscious choices to not be "squashed".

To my beloved Holly, I  echo the Apostle Paul's comment:   I rejoice therefore that I have confidence in you in all things".  I can say that  because of the righteous confidence you have in yourself.   That confidence will allow you to pursue your goals of singing and writing.  It will  strengthen you as a college student, missionary, wife, mother and whatever else you pursue.  It has been a joy watching you grow leaps and bounds these past few years.  I really like the person you are.  You make me laugh.  You calm me down.  You  give me confidence.  Happy Birthday dear daughter and dearest friend.  I love you.  Mommy

Sisters and Friends

Two amazing girls.  Holly & Hannah - 2013 Homecoming/

It is every girls dream to be elected Homecoming Royalty.  Hannah was elected;  Holly was not.  As much as Holly would have loved to be wearing a beautiful dress while riding on a float at the parade, she did not show her disappointment............ever!  She handled herself with grace and dignity and rejoiced in Hannah's good fortune.  Hannah had asked Holly to help her with her hair and make-up for the big reveal which she would be on display for all to ooh and aah at her loveliness.  Hannah was beyond stressed and suffered a tear-filled meltdown during this time.   Holly was patient, kind and so understanding as she lovingly attended to her sister.  I have great admiration and respect for Holly. This day wasn't about what she didn't get to do, but what Hannah got to do.  I love Holly.  I love Hannah.  I love that they love each other.   God bless Holly & Hannah and sisterhood! 

Regarding the formal,.. there was never a question with Hannah about modesty.  She exemplifies a modest, wholesome daughter of God in every way, and her homecoming dress would not be an exception.  And it wasn't.  She loved her dress and proudly wore it, thinking she was beautiful and princess-y.    And she was!  

That is such a blessing to me.  I love making my girls their dresses, but I never want them to be embarrassed because they are homemade.  I have very sweet daughters who have always been beyond pleased with their dresses and that just makes the sewing experience  literally DIVINE!!!

Yesterday a friend told me that her niece had told her she had overheard some comments about Hannah's  homecoming dress and how it looked like she must have gone to a "Mormon Store" to buy it. I don't know if the comments were meant to be positive or negative, but I took them as a positive. I always want my daughters to  look like they have gone shopping at a "Mormon Store".  

I asked Hannah if she felt out of place with her dress.  Her response was an emphatic:  "NO!!!  I love wearing my dress."  Hannah doesn't dress modestly just because she is supposed to.  Modesty is part of who she is because she respects her body and loves Heavenly Father.  I can honestly say that all four of my daughters know that they are precious daughters of God and conduct themselves in that manner. What a blessing to me and to them. Modesty is a manifestation of purity and purity is truly beautiful!

Encouragement in Times of Trials - Talk given in Mesquite RS Meeting

I want you to know that I have studied, pondered and sought counsel and affirmation from the Spirit and feel I do have a message that is to be delivered.  With that said, I share a few of the questions that have been stirred up in my mind as I have prepared.  Would my remarks be applicable to the sister whose trials greatly surpass normal life’s challenges and difficulties?  Would this be helpful for those who suffer trials because of their own doing, as well as for those suffering trials because of the actions and decisions of others?  Does my talk address the trials and hardships that  result from just living in a wicked world?

With lots of re-dos and starting overs, I finally realized that what I needed for this particular talk was an “equalizer”; something that would level the playing field and be applicable to every person here in this room tonight.  An equalizer that would pertain to all of us, regardless of who was responsible, and for all varying degrees of trials, no matter how small or significant they may be.  With that realization and understanding, it was apparent that there was only one “equalizer” who could provide that assurance.  I hope and I pray  tonight that the Holy Ghost will turn our hearts to our Savior Jesus Christ, who is truly the Great Equalizer; He, who can  level the playing field and makes things right and whole with each one of us.

I have chosen to use the hymns of the gospel to help convey my messages.  There is a reason for this……..hymns just speak to my heart and I find myself singing them every day, especially at times when I am troubled or frustrated. It really is my default for when I am out of sorts.    The words to some hymns have been very present during this month of study, so we will sing them together tonight.

In fact, if you could grab a hymn book and turn to hymn # 85; we can learn a lot about trials from the familiar hymn #85, How Firm A Foundation.

I want to focus on your verse 5.  The words are descriptive and poetic and can teach us much.    

The first phrase reads:  “When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie.”  The pathway spoken of in this context is the course of our lives.  The “fiery trials” spoken of suggest that they are intense and significant challenges. 

The next phrase reads: “My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply.   The words of this verse are spoken in the first person as if the Savior is saying them directly to us.   In the Bible Dictionary we read that grace is in part: “an enabling power that allows men and women to lay hold on eternal life and exaltation after they have expended their own best efforts.”  Elder David Bednar gives further clarity and understanding to this “enabling power of the atonement”.    He says: “I suspect that you and I are much more familiar with the nature of the redeeming power of the Atonement than we are with the enabling power of the Atonement.”                                                                                                      “…grace represents that divine assistance or heavenly help each of us …desperately need….”   

Elder Bednar mentions two powers of the atonement.  1. Redemptive power that save us from our sins.  2. Enabling power, or grace, that assists in times of need.

The enabling power of the atonement is manifest time and time again in the Book of Mormon.  One great example is found in the 24^th chapter of Mosiah.  We read of Amulon,  who was given the assignment by the Lamanite king to rule over the people of Alma. Vs. 8 “And now it came to pass the Amulon began to exercise authority over Alma and his brethren, and began to persecute him, and cause that his children should persecute their children…. And it came to pass that so great were their afflictions that they began to cry mightily to God.

Vs. 13.  …I will …ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage…

v. 15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

Notice that the Lord did not take away the trial from Alma and his people, rather “the Lord did strengthen them” or in other words, they received the enabling power of the atonement so they could withstand their trial.

Let me read this phrase again.  “His grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply”. The enabling power, along with the redemptive power of the Lord’s atonement is sufficient; it is enough.  It is infinite.  It is what we need to not just endure, but endure cheerfully and with patience as did the people of Alma.

Two weeks ago today my father died from a 6 day bout with bacterial meningitis.  This trial obviously was not removed or taken away from my mother.  My mother is a strong, brave woman.  But shortly after the doctor diagnosed my father, he requested  a copy of my father’s living will.  My mother and I returned to her home to look for it.   If we couldn't find the will, it would not be hard  to get a copy.  I knew my father’s attorney  and I could  call him and request he email one over.  Upon not finding it at the house, my mother turned and looked at me and with searching eyes she began to cry.  Through her tears, she said:  “Oh, Lorri, what am I going to do?”  I knew this wasn't about a will; it was about so much more. The redemptive power of the atonement was not needed, but the enabling power was.   I motioned for her to follow me to the couch and said:  “Mom, we are going to pray for help”.  It was a very sacred, tender experience kneeling with my mother and praying in her behalf.  The Saviors grace was sufficient and in supply at the very moment she needed it.

The thought of attending the viewing  proved to be another particularly rough trial for my mom.  She expressed  that she did not think she was going to be able to stand and talk to others. Her legs were aching and she was so tired and could not bear the thoughts of being there.  This time however, it was  my mother who gathered her three daughters into her bedroom.   We listened as she tearfully implored the Lord for His enabling power.  And  again, those pleas were heard.  Her legs were strong and able to bear her up; her heart open so she could be comforted by others and He gave words to her mouth so that she could freely speak.  His Grace was evident, sufficient and in supply. 

I have sung the third verse of the hymn Did You Think To Pray? over and over during these past few weeks.  There is a beautiful reference to the “enabling power of the atonement in this verse.   The words and even the melody testify so  beautifully of this power.  Please turn to hymn 140 and sing the 3^rd verse.

"When sore trials came upon you, did you think to pray?  When your heart was full of sorrow Balm of Gilead did you borrow at the gates of day?  Oh, how praying rest the weary. Prayer will change the night to day.  So when life gets dark and dreary, don't forget to pray."

Returning back to  hymn # 85 we read: “The flame shall not hurt thee."  This is written as  a promise from  the Savior, asking us to trust him  so that He can change us.  D&C 122:7 we read similar words spoken by the Savior to his prophet Joseph Smith while he was imprisoned in Liberty jail.  “…Know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good .

I only design thy dross to consume” Dross is impurities that are found in minerals such as gold and other precious metals. The removal of these impurities is done through a heating process, leaving behind the purest form of the mineral.  By Divine design and plan, our trials are a means given to us to turn to the Savior so that he can consume are pains, sorrows and impurities.    In our recent General Conference our prophet taught:  “Such difficulties allow us to change for the better, to rebuild our lives in the way Heavenly Father teaches us, and to become something different from what we were, better than what we were, more understanding than what we were – with stronger testimonies that what we had before.”  It is this process that allows for us to find “encouragement” even joy in times of trial.

Sisters, think about the greatest trial you are facing at this time and how you are experiencing it.  Are your impurities being consume by the Savior?  Are you enduring the trial well, even submitting cheerfully as the people of Alma did?  Are you a better person because of what you are going through?  If the answers are no ……..then ask yourself why? It takes “courage” to seek encouragement in our trials

The day that LaNae Griffiths called to ask if I would accept this assignment, I was in despair.  I was feeling frustrated as a result of a trial I was not enduring well.  I had actually had feeling of hopelessness, never thinking I was going to find relief. Because I accepted LaNae’s request to speak, I started to study, read, ponder and pray about the topic she assign me.  I began to examine this very specific trial in respects to what I was learning .   I didn't just want to stand and give a talk on the subject; I wanted to be changed so I could testify.   A few days after LaNae's call, I received my Sept. Ensign in the mail.  I was intrigued by an article titled: The Healing Balm of Hope.  Listed in this article are ten strategies for cultivating hope in times of trial and despair.  These strategies were all very good, but one in particular resonated in my heart. The strategy  was titled: Identify and Challenge Negative Beliefs. In the article it says: “Negative thoughts are the termites of the soul”.  Although painful, I took courage as I admitted to myself that I had riddled my soul with negative thoughts.  I had been quick to dwell on the worst.  Upon further scrutinizing my reactions to my trial, I realized I had found comfort and even a sense of entitlement as I focused on everything that was wrong.   I embarked upon a plan to identify my negative beliefs and challenge them.  It was hard.  I had to retrain my thought process.  I had to work on catching myself and have the courage to remove that negative belief; no matter how justified it made me feel.    I sought the redemptive power of the atonement as I asked for forgiveness of such negative and destructive behavior.  I have sought the enabling power of the atonement as I have prayed over and over again, day by day and sometimes even hour by hour,  to strengthen me and help me focus on what is positive and good.  It has taken courage but I am now finding “encouragement” in this trial.  I am even excited to see and feel the changes that are taking place in my mind and my heart. The Savior is consuming my dross, one negative thought at a time.  No, the trial has not been removed, but I feel a renewed hope as I try to endure it well, even cheerfully. 

The very last phrase of the verse reads:  “And thy gold to refine.”  I share with you this true account of events by President David O. McKay as given in a Conference Address by Pres. James E. Faust.

“Some years ago President David O. McKay told from this pulpit of the experience of some of those in the Martin handcart company. Many of these early converts had emigrated from Europe and were too poor to buy oxen or horses and a wagon. They were forced by their poverty to pull handcarts containing all of their belongings across the plains by their own brute strength. President McKay relates an occurrence which took place some years after the heroic exodus: “A teacher, conducting a class, said it was unwise ever to attempt, even to permit them [the Martin handcart company] to come across the plains under such conditions.

“[According to a class member,] some sharp criticism of the Church and its leaders was being indulged in for permitting any company of converts to venture across the plains with no more supplies or protection than a handcart caravan afforded.

“An old man in the corner … sat silent and listened as long as he could stand it, then he arose and said things that no person who heard him will ever forget. His face was white with emotion, yet he spoke calmly, deliberately, but with great earnestness and sincerity.

“In substance [he] said, ‘I ask you to stop this criticism. You are discussing a matter you know nothing about. Cold historic facts mean nothing here, for they give no proper interpretation of the questions involved. Mistake to send the Handcart Company out so late in the season? Yes. But I was in that company and my wife was in it and Sister Nellie Unthank whom you have cited was there, too. We suffered beyond anything you can imagine and many died of exposure and starvation, but did you ever hear a survivor of that company utter a word of criticism? Not one of that company ever apostatized or left the Church, because everyone of us came through with the absolute knowledge that God lives for we became acquainted with him in our extremities.

“‘I have pulled my handcart when I was so weak and weary from illness and lack of food that I could hardly put one foot ahead of the other. I have looked ahead and seen a patch of sand or a hill slope and I have said, I can go only that far and there I must give up, for I cannot pull the load through it.’” He continues: “‘I have gone on to that sand and when I reached it, the cart began pushing me. I have looked back many times to see who was pushing my cart, but my eyes saw no one. I knew then that the angels of God were there.

“‘Was I sorry that I chose to come by handcart? No. Neither then nor any minute of my life since. The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay, and I am thankful that I was privileged to come in the Martin Handcart Company.’” (Relief Society Magazine, Jan. 1948, p. 8.)

The trials of the early Saints were trials that consumed their dross and left souls of the purest of gold.   Let us never make the mistake and think that our trials today will not do the same for us.  They will. That is their purpose.    The verse of this song teaches correct principles. And those principles bring us hope and peace in times of suffering and sorrow. I hope whenever we sing How Firm A Foundation, our eyes will scan down to the 5th verse and we will be reminded of that hope and peace. 

I would like to end by singing the first verse of hymn #100, Nearer My God To Thee.  One night, alone with my dad while he was in the hospital, I sang this verse to him.  The words were significant and calming. "Nearer my God to thee, nearer to thee.  Even tho it be a cross that raiseth me,  still all my songs shall be nearer my God to thee. Nearer my God to thee.  Nearer to thee."  

The crosses we bear are the trials we endure and when we allow for it,  they raise us up to be nearer to God. Of this I testify in the name of Jesus Christ.  Amen.

Talk For the Funeral of My Dad

A few years ago I attended the funeral of a man who was firefighter by profession.  Displayed at the church was the uniform he wore as well as the medals of honor he had earned. Squadrons of uniformed firefighters lined the sides of the church as the family filed into the pews.  As part of the funeral services, the fire chief conducted a symbolic ceremony called “The Ringing of the Final Bell”.  It was apparent that the world highly regarded this man and he was deserving of such honor and recognition. He was a good man and dedicated firefighter.

My father has never worn a uniform, either military or one of civil service.  He has never earned medals of honor. Although successful, the world would not consider him to be a man of great significance, and I think the world would find it hard to celebrate the life he has lived.  But I do not gauge my dad or his life by worldly standards.  

My dad wore a white suit with a white tie and pinned to the coat of that white suit was a badge that read:  Lester Skousen –Sealer.  These words represent a power so great that it surpasses mortality and extends into the eternities.

He loved the temple and the work that is done within its walls.  I remember a time when Jared and I and some of our children went to the temple to participate in sealing work. Upon seeing us, his face lit up and he walked out from behind the little desk in the sealing room to greet and hug each one of us.  I can only describe the look on his face as one of just pure joy.  He showed us off and introduced us to the other workers.   As wonderful as it was for my dad to be with his family in the place he loved most, his understanding of the sacred work that we would engage in was more important and his countenance reflected that.  Whenever he performed sealings his voice was reverent and unhurried, and his eyes were fixed upon the persons kneeling at the altar.  I knew by the way my father conducted himself inside and outside of the temple, that he knew that “in the ordinances,…the power of godliness is manifest.”   

The world would never celebrate that, but the heavens do!  I have contemplated the hundreds and hundreds of people who have undoubtedly greeted my father since his passing, who have surely expressed their joy for finally having the sealing power manifest in their lives because of his service.  He knew the magnitude of the importance of the work he did.

As was mentioned by my sister Kellee, my mom and dad embarked upon three Spanish speaking foreign missions together; missions that were focused on providing my father's beloved brown-skinned people the blessings of the temple.   Just a side note………as a young girl, I loved to hear my dad speak Spanish. And because my dad could speak Spanish and was born in Mexico, I just assumed that he was a Mexican and that is what I told people and I was so proud of that. 

During this past week, I have heard my mom express on four different times these words: “ I am so grateful that your dad and I served those three missions.”  I don’t know exactly why that has been so impressed upon her right now; I am sure they were significant for many reasons very personal and sacred to her.   I do know that these missions were defining times in the life of my dad.  He loved these foreign lands and serving in their temples. The Latino people adored him. He spoke their language and understood their culture and customs.  And most importantly, he gave them his heart.  I want to say to my mom……….thank you.  Thank you for doing hard things! I know it was difficult for you to learn the language and had feelings of isolation and frustration, but I can’t help but think that these missions were some of dad’s greatest times in his life.  Thank you for having the courage and faith to leave your home, children and grandchildren.  Most of all, I say thank you for the supportive role you were for dad so that he could shine and do that which he most loved to do.

I believe that the example my mom and dad have set for us four children, their 18 grandchildren and their great-grandchildren will result in literally hundreds, if not thousands, who will receive the blessings of the gospel.  What a legacy!

This legacy has already impacted a granddaughter who is currently at the Mexico City MTC learning Spanish.  The day after the passing of her grandfather I received an email where she writes specifically of what that legacy means to her:  “I love that [grandpa] always made sure his family knew he loved them, the temple, and the Gospel of Jesus Christ. You know that those are the things most important to him, and I want to make sure that everyone always knows that family, the temple, and the Gospel are important to me.  I know that Grandpa will be helping me, and I have already felt his love. I know that he is so happy with where I am, in a country he loves, learning to speak the language he loves, so I can teach others the gospel that he loves.”

How grateful I am to be born of goodly parents, to a father who loved his wife and children, who honored his priesthood and raised a family unto the Lord.  I never want his influence of goodness and kindness to leave me.  And I don’t think it has too. I believe that as we honor his legacy- especially as we serve missions and participate in temple work, we will feel his arms around us, guiding us, teaching us and loving us even to the extent as if he were here.

  

Because of the events that have transpired over the past ten days, I can stand before you and testify that even amidst the pain and sorrow that accompanies death, the Lords Plan is one of joy and of the peace.

The Wind Beneath Our Wings

Comments I heard at our family beach reunion a few weeks ago:  "I just love Emily, she is so great."  "I am so happy Emily married Daniel."  "It seems like Emily is loved by every person  in this family".    

The spiritual gift that I focus on for Emily may seem a little  "sub par" in the spiritual gift department to some, but do not be fooled into thinking that this spiritual gift is  less in anyway.  It is not!  It is a gift that only a  humble, meek person can acquire.  The person that bears this gift is self assured, powerful and competent in what they choose to do.  The person who uses this gift, values others  and does whatever is needful to help that person  shine a little brighter.

Daniel's personality is such that he is often in the limelight because of his strengths and great qualities.  Emily  is what I  view as an amazing supporting actor, not ever seeking the staring role, but playing her supporting role in such a way that Daniel shines far more than he could on his own.  It truly is a selfless gift.

She is not showy, loud or demanding.  In a gentle, non-assuming way she glides into our lives and makes us better. This ability was displayed in  our little family tourney of Kuub at the beach where Daniel and Emily were partnered against Brittney and Derrick (?).  It was a classic Daniel / Emily moment.  Daniel was fixed, determined and very demonstrative as he threw his sticks; sometimes successful in knocking over the posts and sometimes not.  Emily stood  up to the line, without fanfare or displays of competitiveness, she threw her sticks to consistently knock over the intended targets.  I can still hear Daniel's  triumphant shouts of  "PB"!!!! as she would save the game over and over for him.     I know this was just a game, but it is very symbolic of Emily's demeanor and capability of simply being her own quiet self so that the person who needs to shine actually can.

I have talked to Emily about this spiritual gift of supporting and how I cherish her for having it.   She too acknowledges it as a gift from God and feels blessed to help others achieve and grow and is happy doing it.   Just as her talent of playing the violin softens that blare of the horns, adds dimension to the monotony of  the  percussion, and enables a musical score to reach greater heights of beauty and majesty than possible with any other instrument, that is what Emily does in our family. Each person in our family (because everyone does love Emily) is positively influenced by her.

Back in the 1980"s Bette Midler made famous a song titled "The Wind Beneath My Wings".    Those words so perfectly portray who Emily is.  Her grace, presence and goodness lift me up and make me a better person.  Her support and  love  for Daniel allow for him to fly higher.  Emily, you are a soft, refreshing breeze, even a wind  that  elevates our family. We are blessed that you are ours forever.  Happy Birthday dear daughter, I love you.   Lorri / Mommy

It Is The Way It Is Supposed To Be

*Written June 2013
Holly and Hannah left for Girl's Camp this morning.  Shortly after dropping them off at the church, I left on my walk with Judy.  I mentioned how lonely it was going to be for the next few days not having those two around to liven things us.  As we continued to walk, my thoughts turned to  the upcoming events of  Noelle's wedding and Natalie's mission.  Judy and I talked about that for a little bit and then the conversation painfully gravitated towards the time when all my girls would be gone, out of the home, away from me.  The realization of that time was more than my mind and body could handle.   I stopped  in the middle of the road, unable to move.   My throat tighten and I was having a difficult time breathing. I don't know how I still managed to sob, but I did.

When the boys left, I still had four girls to raise.  When the girls are gone, that is it; no more children left at home. I don't want my girls to leave me, but I do want them to leave. And just like my wish for my sons, I want my daughters to love deeply and live passionate, productive lives.  And they will.  It  is the way it is supposed to be.

I wrote this back in June but did not post it.  I found it  painful to admit such deep emotions to myself, let alone  to my entire family.  But time  has passed and I thought I was getting used to the idea of  my daughters leaving home......... until I experienced the following little setbacks today.

Noelle has now been married for 6 weeks.  Today I addressed an envelop to Noelle Hillam and chocked back some tears. I know her marriage is good, right and eternal.  I am happy for her, and grateful for the man she married, but I am having a hard time adjusting to this Hillam thing.   I have never had a child change names before and to be honest, it has thrown me for a loop.  I guess it is because I know what accompanies a change of name .... there comes a change of heart.   Eric becomes her family first and foremost and although it tugs at my heart, it is good. It is the way it is supposed to be.

Natalie has been in the MTC for one week and it has been week since we heard from her last.  I know she is safe, but I long to hear from her and share in her experiences.  I have checked my email on the hour all day long. Why can't she just write a short email every other day or so?  Would that be so bad?  Don't worry, I know the answer and although the situation tugs at my heart, I am in total agreement to the guidelines. Natalie is now a missionary first and foremost and it is good.  It is the way it is supposed to be.

I truly am grateful for the paths that Noelle and Natalie have chosen and have every confidence in what they are doing.  But I can't lie.... I am so grateful to still have Holly and Hannah home.